There truly is such a thing as a dumb ?

[slowrev]

Will someone fax me a beer ?

 

[EddieWalker]

One of my favorite saying was in the Marines when somebody woudl turn the wrong way. They would get yelled at, "Not that left, your Marine Corps left!!!" hahaha

Or they'd say, " Not that left, your other left!!!" hahaha

I use those two phrases all the time with the kids, and sometimes with some adults.

Eddie

 

[Jimbrown]

Eddie My MIL was one of those people who in their entire life never could grasp the meaning of left and right. It used to frustrate me to no end. But she really never understood and god forbid you talk north or south the concept was totally beyound her. She used to drive 40 miles the wrong way to the wrong town and wonder why the stores were not where they should be. I just cried.

 

[California]

.... How far is nine miles?

Every time we tell the inlaws we won't be at the ranch for a few days and they are welcome to use it, we come back and hear something unexpected. Late April we took a road trip. (Joshua Tree NM, Sedona, Grand Canyon, Hoover Dam - we almost got as far as Tombstone).

We got back and asked the inlaws if they had a good time at the ranch. Fine - except they made my tenant down in the cabin move his Sunday BBQ out of his driveway so they could turn around. They said they couldn't circle around the house and come out on the shady side shown here, because their SUV was too big to go through this little secondary driveway and they didn't want to chance it.

I've seen a UPS truck fit through there many times, and one time even a full size firetruck.

30 years now, and my inlaws still amaze me.

View attachment 76149

 

[nobull1]

Rental Car = 9miles = 15 Kilometres = Young Canadian or European tourist

 

[MadDogDriver]

Eddie My MIL was one of those people who in their entire life never could grasp the meaning of left and right.

Plenty of material for Bill Engvall's Here's your Sign monologue.

When my girls were at that left/right discovery age, we used the technique of holding up both hands palms out with fingers together and thumbs out. The hand that looked like an L was your left. I guess you need to know the alphabet first and not be dyslexic for that to work. And when in the Navy we figured out that LEFT = PORT b/c both had four letters; and RIGHT = STARBOARD b/c they had more than four letters (in case we got too much grog).

I guess you could use that as a breathalyzer test too.

 

[thatguy]

Plenty of material for Bill Engvall's Here's your Sign monologue.

When my girls were at that left/right discovery age, we used the technique of holding up both hands palms out with fingers together and thumbs out. The hand that looked like an L was your left. I guess you need to know the alphabet first and not be dyslexic for that to work. And when in the Navy we figured out that LEFT = PORT b/c both had four letters; and RIGHT = STARBOARD b/c they had more than four letters (in case we got too much grog).

I guess you could use that as a breathalyzer test too.

THANKS.... Now i can finally figure out my port from my starboard.. Not being a boat person I have tried keep it straight but never could..

brian

 

[hudlow]

I saw another real genius the other day. Our little town was having a "Mayfest" and while the wife and I were browsing around I noticed a kid with some odd looking ear rings so I worked in a little closer and sure enough they were what I thought....this guy had galvanized fence staples hanging through his ear lobes.

I wonder how long before that zinc kicks in and the tremors start?

hud

 

[Catman1]

I had a customer once call me up and tell me her CRT wasn't working. After spending a good deal of time trying to locate the error, I asked a stupid question: did she happen to have the CRT plugged. There was about 5 seconds of silence on the other end, when she finally said, "oh you mean that has to be plugged in too?"

There was the infamous woman whose PC had shut down and failed to restart. The help desk worker on the end of the phone went through a comprehensive checklist - baffled by the failure. Eventually, when asked whether everything was plugged in around the back of the machine, she admitted she couldn't see too well as the office was dark. 'Why?' asked the help desk worker. "Because there has been a power failure came the reply.

Then you have the time a woman called up another trouble shooter to say she was having trouble installing the software on a floppy disk and it kept giving her errors. "Can you send me a copy of the disk he asked?... Sure enough, two days later, he received in the mail a photocopy of the floppy disk.

Finally you have the myth about people using the drawer of their CD ROM drive as a coffee cup holder. Personally I believe it really happened (many times for sure!!!)

 

[EddieWalker]

And when in the Navy we figured out that LEFT = PORT b/c both had four letters; and RIGHT = STARBOARD b/c they had more than four letters (in case we got too much grog).

The way it was tought to me is the less letters are all the same. Left, Port and Red for navigation lights. Right, Starbord, and Green are all the same thing.


Here's another one.

A good buddy bought a ski boat our senior year in high school. We cut class and went just about every weekend. Then while I was in bootcamp, he said it broke down. He had to get a tow back to the dock, then he spent most of the summer trying to figure out why it wouldn't start.

He thought it was an electrical problem, but couldn't find it. When I was home on leave after boot camp, we took it to a boat mechanic to get it fixed. They looked it over and in about ten seconds, realized that my friend hadn't switched the valve for the duel fuel tanks. One take was almost full, the other was empty. With fuel, it fired right up!!!! hahaha

To add to this, he's a mechanic for British Airways now!!!!

Eddie