Three day challenge

[drssg]

Well...maybe this will help some not to drink.
This is my brother on his floor in diapers, wife standing over him (I blocked faces).
Can't walk, hardly eats. This is his life.
Believe me, we've tried every intervention.
He's not old.View attachment 687095

That is very sad. If you and your SIL haven't checked out al-anon, I would highly recommend it. In addition to helping with your own mental well-being, it can help to ensure that the family is not enabling the alcoholic behavior and shielding the alcoholic from the consequences of his behavior. There is a world full of people who have to deal with this same type of issue, and they can help.

Regarding your other post about people not wanting to socialize if you are not drinking, I have not experienced that. For the people I know, drinking is not the focal point of a get together. There are plenty of people who are not drinking, and no one is concerned about other people's choices.

Since I don't know the people in your life, I don't know how important drinking is to them. I can tell you that what you describe is not universal.

 

[TMGT]

There's something I never understood about drinking, maybe someone has the answer.

When wife and I were in teens thru 20's we drank quite a lot. We had lots of "friends" (" "'s meaning drinking friends). One was my best childhood friend and every Saturday night a party, 30-40 people. Then the drive home (I was lucky) and a Sunday hangover. Then I say why not us go to the party, fooling everyone by drinking soda, a blast watching everyone else getting blasted. So we did and it was great. Never invited to another party.
Here I buy land next to neighbors we knew but not real well. I'm doing some work over there, guy's talking so glad I bought property then "have a beer!". I politely said we don't drink, but a Pepsi would be great!
Now they never even wave at us.
Other neighbors we get along great, and they offer wine...same thing. We speak, but not much.
Point is I believe most people drink. If you don't you're an outcast.
We've had so many friends (all rip) who drank in various degrees. That and an alcoholic brother is hard to take.
One friend used to have one cocktail a day. That's all...but he went to AA about a year ago. Nothing since.
I'm not being judgemental and I believe a huge part is genetics. Richard Overton was great, and almost made it to 113! Some Jack D. in coffee every morning along with a dozen Tampa Sweet cigars every day!

109-Year-Old Veteran and His Secrets to Life Will Make You Smile | Short Film Showcase - YouTube

But why is it if you don't imbibe you're chastised? We have few friends now.

I've experienced this myself, I don't really drink, typically go many years between them.
The only reason I've had any alcohol in the past year was because my neighbor gave me a bottle of bourbon and I figured I'd try it since I've never had bourbon before. Never drink beer, just don't like the taste or smell of it, reminds me too much of rotting grain.

For some reason a lot of people just can't understand that you don't drink and heaven help you if you tell someone do don't like beer. I've had people actually get angry,, acting like I was judging them just because I told them I don't drink when they ask me about alcohol. Now I just ignore it and try to change the subject if it goes towards drinking.

 

[Jstpssng]

^^^^^
The people who get angry if you won't drink with them tend to be those who have a problem with it. They also are the type who argue that they drive better drunk "Because they are paying more attention."
I've also heard the argument that you are less apt to get hurt if you're in an accident when driving drunk because you're body is more relaxed... I prefer not to crash in the first place.

 

[TMGT]

^^^^^
The people who get angry if you won't drink with them tend to be those who have a problem with it. They also are the type who argue that they drive better drunk "Because they are paying more attention."
I've also heard the argument that you are less apt to get hurt if you're in an accident when driving drunk because you're body is more relaxed... I prefer not to crash in the first place.

It wasn't even that I wouldn't drink with them, its when conversions about alcohol come to me and I have to say I don't know, I don't really drink. Maybe they drink too much and they are mad at themselves? No idea why some people are that way, never could understood the stigma of people that choose NOT to drink (unless you're a recovering alcoholic and then its celebrated)

And from a bit if first hand experience with vehicle accident, being drunk does NOT make you a better driver, but being drunk can lessen injury in an accident (just better be a passenger!)

 

[Frankenkubota]

Well...maybe this will help some not to drink.
This is my brother on his floor in diapers, wife standing over him (I blocked faces).
Can't walk, hardly eats. This is his life.
Believe me, we've tried every intervention.
He's not old.View attachment 687095

That's so so sad. I'm sorry for everyone involved. It's in almost all families.

 

[Frankenkubota]

No.... sorry... got you beat.... last alcoholic drink 01/01/1999

Last drink.......1982? DUI. Full time work, full time school, full time drinking......something had to give.

Regarding The comment about alcohol not being the focus of social events. I grew up in Wisconsin. Have a "social event" with no beer and see who shows up.

 

[MossRoad]

I quit drinking when we had kids (no alcohol for a couple decades). Our friends never gave me any grief about it. When someone offered me a beer or alcohol, I wouldn't tell them "I don't drink". That's an opener for "Why not?" Some folks even get the idea you're looking down on them because they do drink.

To avoid that possibility, if they offer me a drink, I tell them "No thanks, but I'd really like a Coke or something if you have it?" They almost inevitably reply "Sure!" and off you go. You're still accepting an offer of friendship from them and no one gets offended.

 

[2LaneCruzer]

 

[BravoXray]

In my early 30's, after I got divorced, I hung out with a couple of friends and got wasted a few times. One morning after a bender, I woke up and decided it was pretty stupid to be paying all that money to feel so bad the next day.
I've only had a few drinks since then, never more than one at a time.
Can't stand beer, (how can people drink that vile crap?) or scotch or anything similar. Don't really care for wine either. My drink of choice was a screwdriver, made with Dark Eyes 100 proof vodka. Haven't had one in 30 years or more.
Last one was after Christmas when my daughter, her family and niece and family were here, and I made a blender full of Mudslide and chocolate ice cream.

 

[TMGT]

I quit drinking when we had kids (no alcohol for a couple decades). Our friends never gave me any grief about it. When someone offered me a beer or alcohol, I wouldn't tell them "I don't drink". That's an opener for "Why not?" Some folks even get the idea you're looking down on them because they do drink.

To avoid that possibility, if they offer me a drink, I tell them "No thanks, but I'd really like a Coke or something if you have it?" They almost inevitably reply "Sure!" and off you go. You're still accepting an offer of friendship from them and no one gets offended.

That's not how it happens most of the time, I'm not at 'social events', it's ofgen times discussions at work and only after its only after multiple times that I finally tell them I don't drink so they'll stop asking about it.

The few times I'm actually in a position to be offered a drink and decline it can be hit or miss on whether they let it go or keep insisting.
I've actually declined offers and someone brought me a beer anyways so had to explain I don't drink, then get the look like I have 3 heads.
I'm usually not interested in soft drinks these days unless I'm in the mood for one, and then there is only a couple types I drink, pretty much stick to water, cranberry juice or occasionally some ginger ale (really like the Canada Dry BOLD!).

Like I said earlier, if you are addicted and quit you're considered strong, if you don't start so you don't get addicted, you're looked at like a weirdo by many. Just don't understand it.

I don't care if other people drink (as long as if doesn't effect me), but don't see the need of soo many to push it on others.