Female advice needed

[Egbert]

"I have not been faced with this, but here's my take anyway. As a woman, I can compete with another woman, but I cannot compete with a ghost."

E X A C T L Y !!!! I can't tell you how many times I heard something almost identical.

While it is sometimes true that a departed wife has achieved sainthood, I was not one to skew the realities of a 21 year marriage. It was almost impossible to make the point - I loved being married - I honored my vows - I wanted to be married again - My late wife was not a threat.

I would encourage women who encounter this situation to, at least, take enough time to discover if the widower has appointed himself Pope. Frankly, (and I know some guys are going to come looking for me), there is no better candidate for marriage than one who has lost their spouse.
We didn't leave when the going got rough.


Oh well ... that's all water under the bridge now.

 

[dave1949]

FG19: "I have not been faced with this, but here's my take anyway. As a woman, I can compete with another woman, but I cannot compete with a ghost."

E X A C T L Y !!!! I can't tell you how many times I heard something almost identical.

While it is sometimes true that a departed wife has achieved sainthood, I was not one to skew the realities of a 21 year marriage. It was almost impossible to make the point - I loved being married - I honored my vows - I wanted to be married again - My late wife was not a threat.

I would encourage women who encounter this situation to, at least, take enough time to discover if the widower has appointed himself Pope. Frankly, (and I know some guys are going to come looking for me), there is no better candidate for marriage than one who has lost their spouse.
We didn't leave when the going got rough.


Oh well ... that's all water under the bridge now.

I dunno about the feeling of competing with someone.

I look at it as if a person is the right one, then there is no way to compete. If competing is necessary, that implies that someone better??? could come along as if the judging has remained open. Those conditions are at odds with each other. If someone else can seriously turn your head (okay,:laughing: two or three times), perhaps you aren't with the right one.

No one is going to forget or do a memory wipe of a departed spouse. Pretending that is what is being done is dishonest in a way. If someone loves us, then they understand our cherished memories. Demanding or expecting someone to pretend that they have done a memory wipe is less than fully accepting the whole person, or a case of insecurity.

That's my :2cents:. Mind you, I haven't been on a first date since 1969 and I've not lost a spouse. So perhaps my perspective is unrealistic.

 

[peterc38]

I would sell it and use the money to buy the new lady friend new jewelry.

Also, I truly mean no offense by this and maybe I'm being overly paranoid, but I would not post pictures of my valuable jewelry collection on any public online forum.

 

[daugen]

I would sell it and use the money to buy the new lady friend new jewelry.

Also, I truly mean no offense by this and maybe I'm being overly paranoid, but I would not post pictures of my valuable jewelry collection on any public online forum.

thank you Peter. You are absolutely right, though it all goes into a safe.
And not to diminish your good advice, if it were stolen, I'd get full value.
Versus thirty cents on a dollar at the jeweler. But who wants some low life
in one's home, which of course is the point. I am alarmed to the teeth, btw...

 

[farmgirl19]

I dunno about the feeling of competing with someone.

I look at it as if a person is the right one, then there is no way to compete. If competing is necessary, that implies that someone better??? could come along as if the judging has remained open. Those conditions are at odds with each other. If someone else can seriously turn your head (okay,:laughing: two or three times), perhaps you aren't with the right one.

No one is going to forget or do a memory wipe of a departed spouse. Pretending that is what is being done is dishonest in a way. If someone loves us, then they understand our cherished memories. Demanding or expecting someone to pretend that they have done a memory wipe is less than fully accepting the whole person, or a case of insecurity.

That's my :2cents:. Mind you, I haven't been on a first date since 1969 and I've not lost a spouse. So perhaps my perspective is unrealistic.

No, and would not expect one to erase memories. As I stated, I have not come into the situation yet. But, if one is compared to the lost spouse, then it might leave doubt. After all, the lost spouse was the love of your life. When being compared to another, probably easier if it is a living individual.

If no comparisons are made, or insinuated, then my thoughts are irrelevant. This topic asked for a female perspective. I'm not the typical female either. How many of us hang around a tractor forum? So, my opinions are just that, opinions.

 

[IslandTractor]

thank you Peter. You are absolutely right, though it all goes into a safe.
And not to diminish your good advice, if it were stolen, I'd get full value.
Versus thirty cents on a dollar at the jeweler. But who wants some low life
in one's home, which of course is the point. I am alarmed to the teeth, btw...

The security concern is real. A year or so ago a TBN member was bragging about his gold collection and posted a few photos of his home. In about twenty minutes I was able to locate the home on Googlemaps and then could identify him and where he worked. I sent him a PM so he removed the photos but we were both shocked how easy it had been to pinpoint him.

 

[creekbend]

Do you or your deceased Wife have any close Relatives that would be Proud to have some of the Pieces for Posterity? Just a thought. Please take care.

 

[RobertBrown]

Lot's of good thoughts here. It's hard to say how giving away your wife's jewelery may or may not be interpreted.
It seems to me that it's just stuff now. I'm sure it meant a lot to her but now, it's just stuff...perhaps valuable but still, it's what you make of it.
I agree with Jim, giving a piece or two to some other woman may get more complicated or have unintended results, so that's left to your powers of deduction and I trust your judgement there.
Doesn't seem like you need the money, if you did, you could maybe turn the jewelery into a new tractor or something else you covet. I think your wife would want that.

 

[dave1949]

No, and would not expect one to erase memories. As I stated, I have not come into the situation yet. But, if one is compared to the lost spouse, then it might leave doubt. After all, the lost spouse was the love of your life. When being compared to another, probably easier if it is a living individual.

If no comparisons are made, or insinuated, then my thoughts are irrelevant. This topic asked for a female perspective. I'm not the typical female either. How many of us hang around a tractor forum? So, my opinions are just that, opinions.

Not intending to ruffle any feathers, and of course mine is a old guy's opinion.

I would have to agree that any expressed or implied comparisons would be a relationship killer, but it would be safe to assume that those comparisons are unavoidable.

Maybe a forthright method of dealing with past loves and new ones is to just ask. Suppose you were asked "What are the three best and worst things about your ex?" Could you, would you answer truthfully? It would take a lot of trust to do it. But, trust is probably the most important quality to find in another person.

Someone you trust 110% with your children, your last dollar, your dog, your most hideous secrets, and will tell you when you are right or wrong. That's a good person to have by your side.

 

[daugen]

I figured out how to delete the picture, it wasn't adding anything other than creating risk for me, so good idea, you all got the point anyway. Thanks for the suggestion, even a retired insurance agent isn't too bright at times.

I think if the jewelry was taken apart and made into something new, then it would be ok to give away, it's something new for someone new. Starting a relationship with "leftovers" could get dicey...

Creekbend, the only close relative was my sister, and I let her pick a piece she liked, to remember Nadene by.

when you don't have kids, you spend money on jewelry instead of braces or college educations. I gave my wife a piece of jewelry every xmas and every b'day, so that's 32 of something. And now I hope after I sell most of it that some lady will get joy out of getting the jewelry because it's "new" to her and given with love.