The irony

[2LaneCruzer]

We have been Foster Parents for many years.

For most of these kids, unfortunately, the most critical times in their lives were before they were born.

Their birth mom took drugs and it impacts the unborn baby brains. It’s not curable. It’s tragic.

MoKelly

I believe you. Someone very close to us adopted twins...a boy and a girl...when they were infants. The adoptive family was fairly well to do, and they were church going. Now in their 30's, the kids had all of the advantages, but the boy has a long history of drugs, and was ruled by the court to be incompetent...due to brain damage from the drugs. The girl, although not as bad, has been a problem from early on, and has, I believe three children from different fathers.

Their mother was a druggie, and the effect on the kids was dramatic. They have about bankrupted the parents at this point.

 

[Sigarms]

We have been Foster Parents for many years.

For most of these kids, unfortunately, the most critical times in their lives were before they were born.

Their birth mom took drugs and it impacts the unborn baby brains. It’s not curable. It’s tragic.

MoKelly

Fostering is what led us to adoption.

Thing is, even if a baby is brought in this world without a drug dependent mother, given the living conditions of the household along with generally a lack of social structure in the home, the kid can have issues to begin with.

Heck, my parents got married in their 30's, had me a year later, married for 40 loving years before my mom died, both parents loved me to death and I was still a pretty screwed up kid IMO.

Although my one son is a lot like me when I was kid (PITA LOL), if I went through what he went through as a young child, I have absolutely no doubt that I'd be in jail today.

Like I tell my boys, everyone says you can't pick family, but they should feel blessed because they can say we did really pick them as family.

 

[cqaigy2]

I think people who foster kids are amazing, and i tip my hat to you.

 

[Sigarms]

I believe you. Someone very close to us adopted twins...a boy and a girl...when they were infants.

People always ask us why we didn't get babies if knew we wanted to adopt. Honestly we weren't sure if we wanted to adopt, but just figure to give it a try with someone "local" who needed a home.

The reality is given any situation with "infants" up for adoption, it can be very scary with all the "disorders" the shrink field has found out with babies. For some reason, even if the child is given up at day one, there can still be issues for a host of reasons.

 

[Sigarms]

So that's why, I think, reading early and spending that quality time sitting there with your child, curled up on the couch, them feeling very comfortable just listening to your voice tell them a story... it really helps them in the long run.

I agree with you.

The bigger question becomes how does listening to your parents fight and argue with you being there as a baby, along with your parents having more priorities than you as a baby really affect the way you grow up into an adult?

My dad always blamed himself because he was never around being in the service when I was growing as a baby LOL

 

[MoKelly]

I think people who foster kids are amazing, and i tip my hat to you.

Thank you. It is very rewarding but often can be emotionally painful. It is so easy to bond to these kids and then they are gone - often back to the problems that caused the fostering initially.

MoKelly

 

[Jstpssng]

At this point, the biggest issue is this kid has is blinders on per only what he wants at this moment in time. It's been his MO since day one.

The reality is our family is a little different than others per kids growing up in the household, as both our boys were adopted at different ages in their life from NC families, but they are the same age (you should see the look we get when we tell people they are the same age LOL).

My wife (who is part technical writer per her job responsibility) should write a book IMO after they both move out on our experiences

At the end of the day, I've come to the conclusion that the first 7 years in a childs life molds them a lot more than people think.

I believe that if you cut that number in half your assessment would still be accurate.

 

[Sigarms]

I believe that if you cut that number in half your assessment would still be accurate.

Agreed, and I believe it could come down as early as Moss's comments about actually wanting the child (and the reasons why you want children).

Thing is, put a kid in foster care and bounce them around from home to home, and sooner or later something is going to rattle lose.

MO is generally the same... one mother, multiple fathers of multiple children, mother has self esteem issues that forwhatever reason, leads her to complete losers who could be physically or emotionally abusive. The irony is you could say the same of a mother who only has one husband her entire life whose husband is successful but is still physically or emotionally abusive. The big difference? People with money don't normally have child services knocking on their door having their kids taken away.

 

[Jstpssng]

Agreed, and I believe it could come down as early as Moss's comments about actually wanting the child (and the reasons why you want children).

Thing is, put a kid in foster care and bounce them around from home to home, and sooner or later something is going to rattle lose.

MO is generally the same... one mother, multiple fathers of multiple children, mother has self esteem issues that forwhatever reason, leads her to complete losers who could be physically or emotionally abusive. The irony is you could say the same of a mother who only has one husband her entire life whose husband is successful but is still physically or emotionally abusive. The big difference? People with money don't normally have child services knocking on their door having their kids taken away.

Two of my brothers adopted foster kids, both took in siblings to keep families together. They are better men than I am.

 

[Sigarms]

$800 truck and $600 for 5 repairs to get it passed for inspection. He can either do the repairs himself when he can get the parts and do the work, or he can have the shop do it. That's not including the additional $200 he'll owe us for the insurance to add the truck to our policy.

His brother on the other hand is kind of laughing because he'll keep using the "family" 2001 Honda Accord and save his money.

Not surprising, all of a sudden, because my son bought his own truck with his own hard earned money, he had visions of doing and going wherever he wanted because HE owns a truck. Had to explain to him when he wants to pay $350 a month for insurance in his name and he's living on his own, THAT'S when he can do whatever he wants.