Need Advice - SOON

[Youare]

My mother who is 73 is terminal with cancer. Two years ago it was discovered in her blatter and treated but in the last 5 months it has spread to her lungs, bones, liver, kidneys. She is on oxygen to help her breathing now.

My father died 24 years ago and she remarried a man who is in my mothers terms a little greedy when it comes to money. Back before she took a turn for the worse she and her husband planned a trip to a remote place in Mexico to visit a large canyon which they would hike into with a group of people.

Her husband is adamant that she still go on this trip, she doesn't really want to go but is afraid to say no to him. My sister who is a nurse has told her should she get any type of sickness there it would be fatal and without her oxygen she might not make it, she doesn't think she can take her oxygen on the airplane.

They will have to take a train and bus ride to reach the caynon area in Mexico. Her husband said she can sit in the bus while they others hike. We have pleaded with her husband not to take her but he says she will be okay. We had told him that if she does die there it could be difficult to get her body back to the states. His reply was we have $5,000.00 insurance for medical and I can use your inheritance to get her back if I have to.

We don't care about the inheritance, he does, she tried to take care of her financial affairs when she first discovered she had cancer and he is upset about that. We care about her health and don't want to she her die any sooner than what is natural. His responce when asked what if she dies on this trip was, oh well.

Does anyone know how we can protect our mother in this situation??

Thanks,
Randy

 

[gsganzer]

Oh man. My prayers are with you and your family.

I'm not a medical professional, but it sounds to me like your Mom's illness is too advanced for this type of trip. With that being said, I'm also not one to stand in the way of someone's last dying wishes or efforts to fullfill a lifelong dream. I guess the problem is in determining if it's "her" dream or your stepdad's.

Is it more important to your mom that she risk it all taking this trip, or forego the trip to spend more time with her loved one's?

 

[scott_vt]

Hi Youare,
First of all Im very sorry to hear of your Moms' illness. In reading what you put together for your post, I would say your stepfather is being very selfish to drag your sick mother all the way down there to sit in a darn hot bus while others are out having fun

Once again this is very personal stuff, but if you could have a private moment with her, ask her what she really wants ? And go from there.

Good Luck on whatever is decided !

 

[CharlieTR]

I am very sorry to hear about your mother.
My prayers are with you.

I think it is important to find his motives at any cost hire a PI.
When I worked for a large international company our life insurance paid more if we were in another country.

Document every conversation with him regarding this matter and note the date and time.

Talk to a lawyer.

God's speed!

 

[Youare]

Thanks for all the concern and advice.

I know we all must pass from this life to the next and both my mother and I are at peace with this. My concern is that she is being forced to do something she would not do on her own.

I just don't understand why he is so adamant about her going knowing it could shorten the little time she has left. He will not go on the trip without her, which is strange.

Thanks,
Randy

 

[DannyD]

Thanks for all the concern and advice.

I know we all must pass from this life to the next and both my mother and I are at peace with this. My concern is that she is being forced to do something she would not do on her own.

I just don't understand why he is so adamant about her going knowing it could shorten the little time she has left. He will not go on the trip without her, which is strange.

Thanks,
Randy

You may have hit the nail on the head right here. I would be asking my MOM about divorcing this man..........He is being a jerk.

 

[CurlyDave]

I just don't understand why he is so adamant about her going knowing it could shorten the little time she has left. He will not go on the trip without her, which is strange.

If I had to guess, i suspect he will not go alone because he wants to be there when she dies.

Probably in order to have more say in what happens, especially with regard to a will.

If you can possibly afford it, talk to a lawyer.

In many, if not all, states, a holographic (hand written) will supercedes any and all previous wills...

 

[Sigarms]

If you can possibly afford it, talk to a lawyer.

Second that.

Why is your mother afraid to say "no" to this man about going on the trip?

Who is the executor of her will and are they and the family lawyer "up to date" on your mothers last wishes?

I realize you mentioned that you and the family doesn't care about the inheritance, but I respectfully suggest that you should, not for you personally, but to make sure any assets are distributed in a manner that your mother would want.

 

[bones1]

"His responce when asked what if she dies on this trip was, oh well."

You, your mother, an attorney, and pen and paper need time alone in priviate without the step dad.

 

[Youare]

Thanks for all your advice and support.

I now realize that my mother's husbands actions are born out of his denial of the extent of her illness and the fear of loosing her.

Friday my mother was taken to the hospital with breathing problems. Saturday evening she passed away. Now it is easier to see the motives for his actions.

Mom and I share a faith in God that gives us the confidence that we will one day meet again where there is no sickness or seperation. What a hope and comfort this is.

Thank you all for the concern and the support, you helped make a difficult issue easier with your observations and sharing of your experiences.

Death may steal the physical presence of a loved one but not the memories we have. Your concern is a memory I will always treasure and I hope to pass along the favor to others as I have opportunity. Your a great bunch of people.

I will be away from the computer for a few days, because mine at home has quit. Once again thanks for the concern and advice.

 

[shvl73]

I now realize that my mother's husbands actions are born out of his denial of the extent of her illness and the fear of loosing her.

I'm sorry for your loss.
Fear makes people behave quite strangley. I suspect sometimes there is also a fear of being alone.

 

[midlf]

Youare - I'm relieved that your stepfathers actions have now been revealed to you and they were not negative. I read that you are at peace with the situation, that is good.

 

[goaliedad]

You have my heartfelt condolences. I lost my mother about 9 months ago. People act very strangely when faced with this situation. Glad to hear that you came to the understanding of his motives, and they were not negative.

I hope you continue a good relationship with your stepfather.

My father and father-in-law both passed first. After my mil passed it certainly stressed the relationship with my wife's siblings. I had to keep reminding myself that my sil was having a hard time dealing with everything and cut her some major slack from time to time. I'm sure she thought I was as dumb as a box of rocks too!

Hold on to your faith, remember the good times.

 

[Youare]

Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers for me and my family.

Sunday we held a memorial service for my mother. It was a great time of remembering a special woman who touched many more lives than I had imagined.

One thing that becomes clear at times like this is the fact of how much our lives touch the lives of others in ways we may not consider. That small acts of kindness are remembered far more than any personal accomplishment.

We will move on from here with greatful hearts for the kindness you all have shown.

Randy