Parents with dementia, how dealing with that has gone.

[riptides]

She has POA, so it's kind of messy as she is not all there at 84.
We are trying to help her as my dad asked.
She does not make it easy and has alienated her kids and family.

POA means nothing now that your Dad has passed.

What #alexpops said is the way.

 

[2manyrocks]

POA expires at death. Whether she has gotten herself named as executrix and sole beneficiary in a will remains to be seen?

 

[kenmbz]

Brother is on with her and Lawyer now.

 

[WinterDeere]

Sorry to hear of your loss, Ken. The crappiest part of the great cycle of life.

None of us get out of here alive!

 

[part-time-Farmer-NC]

Sorry for your loss.

 

[MossRoad]

Dad passed yesterday, now have to deal with his GF, which can vary drastically by day.
Especially if she has been drinking.
Still need to follow up with accountant etc. all from the other side of the country and different time zone.

Sorry for your loss.

 

[Sigarms]

I was at first chided for not giving her morphine but she was not in any pain… morphine would have killed her.

In some aspects you're blessed that your mother wasn't in pain.

After my dad was in the hospital after the first day (he broke his femur) at 91, he was in a lot of pain. He went down hill pretty fast and I went from them talking to me about his rehabilitation to preparing for the worse in less than 24 hours.

I really hate to admit this, and feel like a bad son in some aspects because I felt this way (I know I'm not, but...) the last 12 hours of my dads life I wanted them to pump morphine into him so he would pass, because it was not fun for my father.

The reality is he had 3 great years living with us, and when he started to need us 24/7, he had told me he was ready to leave this world and be with my mom again.

We should all be so blessed that we die peacefully in our sleep. Odds are, that's not going to happen.

I was blessed in the fact that when I had to take my dad to the hospital after his fall, he lasted less than 48 hours, and although sad, we knew there was no way he was leaving that hospital, and I'd take 48 hours or less in a hospital vs than a couple of months for my fathers sake.

I've said this before, but I find it ironic that we can take our pets to the vet to have them put down, but if you're a human, it seems the rule is to save you even if you're past the point of being saved and won't have any quality of life.

 

[Sigarms]

Dad passed yesterday, now have to deal with his GF, which can vary drastically by day.
Especially if she has been drinking.
Still need to follow up with accountant etc. all from the other side of the country and different time zone.

Sorry to hear it. I would like to think that he, like the rest of will be someday, is in a better place.

I just hit 60, my wife is right behind me. Our 20 year old son had done well for himself IMO (out of the house in the Air Force), but his one kryptonite is girlfriends. His current on is like his last 2, nice but complete ding bats with no common sense.

Had I conversation with my wife the other night, she let me in a one secret... her late 70's mother is now conversing with a man on the internet who she is showing and interest in.

Don't get me wrong, when my dad was alive, I tried to "hook him up" with eligible older women when he would come down and visit us when he was in his 80's. I loved my mom, but I also wanted my dad to be happy. Thing is, I knew the women I was trying to set my dad up with and I knew what kind of women they were (dad really showed no interest other than wanting to go dancing or company for going out to dinner).

I love my MIL like my own mom, and now that I found out she has an interest in another man, there is a little part of me that feels overprotective of her because I have no clue about this guy. Thing is, only my wife knows because her sister and aunt would probably freak out. That said, my MIL is a smart woman, loved her husband of 50 years dearly before he passed, and I do trust my MIL's judgement. Luckily my MIL trusts my wife's judgement, so we're going to take it slow LOL

My wife is a lot like me. If her mom finds someone who makes her happy, she knows her mom didn't love her dad any less. That said, she'll probably be more protective over her than I will LOL.

Side note, no matter what age you are, life always seems interesting for better or worse...

 

[ArlyA]

We must remember that dementia does not improve the decision making process. My farther-in-law called his son to discuss his need for a sxs so he can drive around some. So then he called my spouse (his sister) to discuss the practically of him getting one. Its like he doesn't understand what dementia is.

 

[kenmbz]

My fathers GF still has not gone to the funeral home to sign the papers.
Dad's still in the fridge.

She told us she tried to get there and got lost, twice.
We can't sign this so we asked her if she would allow them to come to her house.
I will try to talk her into this again today.

Without the death certificate we can't get anything moving and we can't trigger the cremation he requested. Social services and police involved but they can't force her to go or have them show up.