Parents with dementia, how dealing with that has gone.

[Sigarms]

Caring for a parent with dementia is difficult enough without drama from meddlers.

For better or worse, although legally we are not our brothers keeper, it is actually a good thing sometimes the local authorities can actually check on a persons good well being.

This is no different than if you put your own child on your lap out in a public park and gave them good 5 swats on the rump for mis behaving or seeing a very old person driving who drives like a 15 year on their first day behind the wheel without a "co driver".

Now, if I saw a parent swat a little kids rump for mis behaving, I wouldn't give a second thought about and would think it's good parenting skills (although some may disagree), but 5 good swats over your knee may be overkill.

The issue is not everyone is on the same page per common sense and if you put yourself in the states position where if they get a phone call reporting something, they are in kind of a no win position.

In ultrarunners example with his mother going to the house with the curtains closed, common sense to me is talking with the woman, finding out her name, where she lives (and take her back home if need be) and find out if someone is helping her at her home. For myself, that's just added common sense in being a good neighbor.

Every couple of months my wife will go her mom's for a "car check". Wife will let her mom drive herself just to check out her driving skills. The other year she got t boned and her car was flipped over, it was her fault, and ANYONE can have a brain fart driving and do something stupid, the question becomes if it keeps happening and why? MIL is in her late 70's now and lives by herself since her husband died a couple of years ago.

 

[kenmbz]

The hospice nurses forced my fathers GF to get 24x7 care, which we wholeheartedly support as he was getting skin problems just laying in bed for so long.
Sometimes meddlers work for you.sometimes not.

 

[ultrarunner]

The meddlers were given a key to moms house so they could help… never used the key once.

What amplified everything is all this occurred during height of Covid and Covid restrictions lasted longer in the SF Bay Area longer than anywhere in the country.

The meddlers were home all the time during this time… and the homes face each other.

I ended up writing on the white board not to bother the new people or they will call the police… this worked.

OPD will not come out if your home is burglarized but ring a neighbors doorbell 3 times in a month to check on them and OPD will respond along with county, etc.

 

[2manyrocks]

Calling the police on Ultrarunner doesnt seem neighborly to me.

 

[ultrarunner]

New neighbors and new ideas… mom being the resident RN was always first call in the neighborhood and the frail elderly woman across the street lived alone and mind sharp as a tack…

I would change light bulbs, check the gutters and smoke detector batteries for her and she used grocery delivery for groceries and taxi for doctor appointments… all well over age 100.

Her daughter flew in to place her in a retirement home and the woman said ok…

Mom and I went to visit and said we are busting you out if you don’t like it here… the staff were in shock.

Moms friend said it’s wonderful… like being on vacation and I can even have room service and they have doings… it was the last time we saw her as she passed in her sleep 10 days later when her heart gave out… but she was really happy and said if I had known what to expect I would have moved sooner!

 

[2manyrocks]

In retrospect, being uprooted from her home might not have been the best decision.

 

[ArlyA]

My in-laws said they could care for themselves just fine. They couldn't and got moved into assisted living. My spouse went thought 4 years of there bank statements and could see the decline. They couldn't do it any more..

 

[ultrarunner]

In retrospect, being uprooted from her home might not have been the best decision.

She was growing weary of the responsibility for the home they bought new… 1958 and she spent a lot keeping it up… new roof, new furnace, exterior paint, weekly garden service, etc.

One daughter and one granddaughter both in another state.

They did all fly in for her 100 birthday and it was quite a celebration with distant relatives not seen in decades and she was dressed to the nines in her words… she was the county beauty miss in her youth for Monterey…

 

[2manyrocks]

I understand what you are saying.

There may be a point where it is a no win situation.

Transplanting someone who is 100 might be too much for them?

 

[ArlyA]

Spouse is up seeing her dad now. He's getting weaker and agreed to home health care visit.