My Brothers Estate

[MossRoad]

I did't start a will until my 30's. By that time, I had a career and could actually bank money. The reason why I did a will is because I was ALWAYS under the impression that my parents would get everything of mine if I passed away (never married at the time, no children). I found out that is not always true, particularly if you don't live in the same state.

End of day, having something in writing and documented at least covers your butt so people know what you wanted to do if you had anything.

It can also make life simpler for the executor for "family items" if the deceased left who explicitly should receive what. This way the family can get pissed at the deceased instead of the executor

BINGO! We have a winner!!!

We had a relative that made a bit of a stink about what they were "owed" from several deceased relatives and all we had to do was tell them we were legally required to follow the wills and there was nothing we could do for them.

 

[Sigarms]

BINGO! We have a winner!!!

Been there.

For my aunt who lived in PA and me living in NC and I'm the executor.

That woman helped my mom raised me while my dad was overseas and I loved her dearly. Keep in mind, my mom was one of twelve and she (she was my Godmother and my mothers sister).

My aunt didn't leave a will, just left everything up to my discretion. My father kept tabs on her as they only lived 15 minutes apart in Pa, and it was my dad "who found her" passed.

Although my aunt lived a simple life and didn't have much of an estate to deal with (she did already pay for her funeral and I knew where she wanted to be laid to rest), she like my mother, liked to keep "stuff'.

When I was letting stuff go with all the relatives (to help clean out the apartment), honestly I felt like they were a bunch of vultures, with everyone telling me what they had to have of hers and everyone telling me what she had promised them (particularly stuff from my grandmothers house). That said, looking back, most issues only came from certain family members and I think we all probably have family members like that LOL My wife will tell you my blood pressure really took a spike that time.

 

[2manyrocks]

I don't know why people are so afraid to disinherit troublemakers rather than be so intimidated by what they "might think" of them if they were to cut them out of their will.

 

[tradosaurus]

Been there.

For my aunt who lived in PA and me living in NC and I'm the executor.

That woman helped my mom raised me while my dad was overseas and I loved her dearly. Keep in mind, my mom was one of twelve and she (she was my Godmother and my mothers sister).

My aunt didn't leave a will, just left everything up to my discretion. My father kept tabs on her as they only lived 15 minutes apart in Pa, and it was my dad "who found her" passed.

Although my aunt lived a simple life and didn't have much of an estate to deal with (she did already pay for her funeral and I knew where she wanted to be laid to rest), she like my mother, liked to keep "stuff'.

When I was letting stuff go with all the relatives (to help clean out the apartment), honestly I felt like they were a bunch of vultures, with everyone telling me what they had to have of hers and everyone telling me what she had promised them (particularly stuff from my grandmothers house). That said, looking back, most issues only came from certain family members and I think we all probably have family members like that LOL My wife will tell you my blood pressure really took a spike that time.

You really get to see the true personality of family members when their is a death in the family.

When my father passed in 1998 there were 7 of us boys and 2 girls (all grown). We established ground rules up front, picked numbers and went 1-9 on selecting an item we wanted. Very easy and little stress.

My MIL is probably going to pass within the year and already my wife is having to deal with her only 2 sisters (no brothers) in helping her mother find 24/7 care and just being good help. Both her sisters are selfish and my wife being executor of the will, the funeral aftermath should be interesting.

 

[tradosaurus]

I don't know why people are so afraid to disinherit troublemakers rather than be so intimidated by what they "might think" of them if they were to cut them out of their will.

Agree 100%. Except usually the troublemakers come out toward the end and good luck changing the will and being of sound mind doing it.

 

[MossRoad]

Been there.

For my aunt who lived in PA and me living in NC and I'm the executor.

That woman helped my mom raised me while my dad was overseas and I loved her dearly. Keep in mind, my mom was one of twelve and she (she was my Godmother and my mothers sister).

My aunt didn't leave a will, just left everything up to my discretion. My father kept tabs on her as they only lived 15 minutes apart in Pa, and it was my dad "who found her" passed.

Although my aunt lived a simple life and didn't have much of an estate to deal with (she did already pay for her funeral and I knew where she wanted to be laid to rest), she like my mother, liked to keep "stuff'.

When I was letting stuff go with all the relatives (to help clean out the apartment), honestly I felt like they were a bunch of vultures, with everyone telling me what they had to have of hers and everyone telling me what she had promised them (particularly stuff from my grandmothers house). That said, looking back, most issues only came from certain family members and I think we all probably have family members like that LOL My wife will tell you my blood pressure really took a spike that time.

We were fortunate in that my dad's mom and aunts didn't have many possessions, just money. All the aunts rented apartments. His mom was the only one with a house he(we) had to deal with.

My dad, on the other hand, man he had the stuff!!

Fortunately, my siblings were extremely reasonable and everyone got some nice things that they wanted. Not everything they wanted, but a lot of what they wanted, and that satisfied everyone. And, we gave a lot of nice, useful things to several charities as well.

 

[2manyrocks]

Agree 100%. Except usually the troublemakers come out toward the end and good luck changing the will and being of sound mind doing it.

Yep, leaving the executor to have to deal with the problems as best as they can after there's no changing the will because of uncertainty about mental capacity.

 

[Sigarms]

I don't know why people are so afraid to disinherit troublemakers rather than be so intimidated by what they "might think" of them if they were to cut them out of their will.

The issue in the OP's case and in my Aunt's case is that there was no will to begin with, and the living has to deal with the living when the person in question is no longer on this world.

End of the day, hopefully you don't have too much family and friends and have a butt load of money to leave

Love can conquer all, but money can make some people stupid.

 

[JasperFrank]

"Nobody thanked me for doing it." There is no truer statement than this. It is the responsible person that will take in all the particulars, that gets demonized in the end, as the arbiter of assets, as spelled out by the laws of the State. Some families recognize the role of executor/ administrator, and some families do not. OP is in a strange place, with good will, but not the assigned administrator. For this, I would suggest legal counsel. It would be $1,500 well spent.

 

[California]

Come on guys we need a new thread for the more general inheritance advice we have learned from experience.