Parents with dementia, how dealing with that has gone.

[jyoutz]

I'm going through this now. Mom passed in September of 2022 and Dad just passed on July 10th. Plan is to divide up what the 5 siblings want to take, then maybe a garage sale. My brother and I brought up everything from the basement this weekend and put it in the garage until we get a dumpster delivered. Seems like these old timers sure didn't like to part ways with anything. The whole process just sucks though.

I went through that last year. I suggest that after the family takes what they want, just hire an estate sale company. You would be amazed at what can be sold and their commission is well worth the cost.

 

[tradosaurus]

My fathers GF is just a nasty drunk, I hope this is not a trend.

My Uncle on the other hand is asking for help and we are.

How old is your father?
I'm surprised how many 70+ men try to start over with a new woman. Not worth it.
Glad my Dad stayed single after my mother died. He was 64 at the time.

 

[ultrarunner]

I'm going through this now. Mom passed in September of 2022 and Dad just passed on July 10th. Plan is to divide up what the 5 siblings want to take, then maybe a garage sale. My brother and I brought up everything from the basement this weekend and put it in the garage until we get a dumpster delivered. Seems like these old timers sure didn't like to part ways with anything. The whole process just sucks though.

Many were depression era and lived through hard times I can’t imagine.

Things saved may not make sense and I’m in the same boat… family didn’t want anything and wished me luck… most only had a presence the day of passing but with zero during the extended pandemic.

 

[ultrarunner]

How old is your father?
I'm surprised how many 70+ men try to start over with a new woman. Not worth it.
Glad my Dad stayed single after my mother died. He was 64 at the time.

Two of my retired military friends started over well into retirement after losing their wives and both cited not wanting to be alone… the new wives outlived them both…

 

[ArlyA]

Everyone keeps more stuff as they get older instead of selling or throwing it out.

 

[ultrarunner]

I went through that last year. I suggest that after the family takes what they want, just hire an estate sale company. You would be amazed at what can be sold and their commission is well worth the cost.

Helped a widow downsizing and since she was relocating out of state there was much to dispose…

She called a few and 2 came out and she had an $800 and $1100 offer.

She decided to sell herself and pd a 14 year old neighbor to post adds on the Internet… netted over 15k in 2 weeks…

I made a couple of trailer dump runs for her and she was generous to those helping…

 

[ultrarunner]

Everyone keeps more stuff as they get older instead of selling or throwing it out.

This is me as I’m charged several times now to clear places…

I’m in a very undesirable area to sell…

I can offer something with lots of interest but when learned it’s in Oakland it’s over…

Had a car sitting 2 weeks with tons of interest and not a single person coming to look.

Changed the location to my brothers 45 minutes away and first person bought…

Buyer asked me if I had it listed before and I said yes… he said Oakland and I said yes and he said they don’t go to Oakland figuring junk or being robbed.

Location, Location, Location…

One of the nurses asked if I had a wet dry vac and I said yes…

She followed me home to borrow it and her husbands geo fence alarm went off… he thought the car had been stolen because it showed Oakland location.

The next day she and her husband returned it and he said it’s really nice here… had no idea there was anyplace nice as they never get off the freeway in Oakland…

 

[jyoutz]

Helped a widow downsizing and since she was relocating out of state there was much to dispose…

She called a few and 2 came out and she had an $800 and $1100 offer.

She decided to sell herself and pd a 14 year old neighbor to post adds on the Internet… netted over 15k in 2 weeks…

I made a couple of trailer dump runs for her and she was generous to those helping…

Our experience was different. They did all the work, had a Friday-Sunday sale and only took 10% of the total sale as commission. They have an incentive to sell as much as possible when they are paid a percentage. And they sorted and organized everything. We literally did nothing other than get out of the way. After the sale there was a few few items that could still be useful. We called Goodwill. They sent a truck and people to pick up. Then we tossed what remained into a dumpster.

 

[MossRoad]

Two of my retired military friends started over well into retirement after losing their wives and both cited not wanting to be alone… the new wives outlived them both…

My mom and dad were very social people. Lots of friends and family. When my mom passed, we (my siblings and I) encouraged him to join a club for widows and widowers. He found a woman to spend time with, go dancing, take trips, go to social events, etc. They enjoyed their time together.

 

[Runner]

Two of my retired military friends started over well into retirement after losing their wives and both cited not wanting to be alone… the new wives outlived them both…

My Mother went back to dating an old high school sweetheart when she was 80 after my Dad died at about 72. He was an OK dude, I guess, but I couldn't get over how much different he was from my Dad.

My Dad was rough and tough, worked outside all his life, could fix anything, etc., the "boyfriend" was just the opposite. She outlived both of them and just passed a few years ago at 96.

 

[tradosaurus]

Everyone keeps more stuff as they get older instead of selling or throwing it out.

Not this guy.
I'm almost 60 and have recently been shedding junk that collects over the years. If I haven't used it in 5 yrs or more its gone.
I came into this world with nothing and will leave this world with nothing.

 

[newbury]

I'm going through this now. Mom passed in September of 2022 and Dad just passed on July 10th. Plan is to divide up what the 5 siblings want to take, then maybe a garage sale. My brother and I brought up everything from the basement this weekend and put it in the garage until we get a dumpster delivered. Seems like these old timers sure didn't like to part ways with anything. The whole process just sucks though.

My parents were depression era, I was brought up “Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without”. I grew up saving things in case we could use it later. We always had plenty of room to store stuff. Often a project started with a conception, then a walk around to see what we had to do a prototype, then a (sometimes crude) model/first cut, then a final.
Still do.
My wife's parents and relatives were the same way.
Consequently we have (conservative estimate) one or two 40' shipping containers (PACKED) of "stuff". We've told our children - if we are dead we won't care, if you don't want it toss it, we are leaving them plenty of money and real estate.
But as long as we have plenty of space and are alive don't.

 

[Duds13]

My parents were depression era, I was brought up “Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without”. I grew up saving things in case we could use it later. We always had plenty of room to store stuff. Often a project started with a conception, then a walk around to see what we had to do a prototype, then a (sometimes crude) model/first cut, then a final.
Still do.
My wife's parents and relatives were the same way.
Consequently we have (conservative estimate) one or two 40' shipping containers (PACKED) of "stuff". We've told our children - if we are dead we won't care, if you don't want it toss it, we are leaving them plenty of money and real estate.
But as long as we have plenty of space and are alive don't.

That's a lot of "stuff!"

 

[newbury]

That's a lot of "stuff!"

And not surprisingly it contains "stuff" from Grandparents, still in use. In probably the early '50's my Grandfather made a rather simple "knife grinder" from a circa 1920's refrigerator motor. It's still in use, about once or twice a rear, mainly to sharpen axes, lawnmower blades etc. My Grandfather's circa 1960 Delta tablesaw is the main saw in my shop in Virginia. I'd like a Saw Stop (my Grandfather cut off a part of a finger with the Delta) but I have not "used it out" yet.

 

[Duds13]

And not surprisingly it contains "stuff" from Grandparents, still in use. In probably the early '50's my Grandfather made a rather simple "knife grinder" from a circa 1920's refrigerator motor. It's still in use, about once or twice a rear, mainly to sharpen axes, lawnmower blades etc. My Grandfather's circa 1960 Delta tablesaw is the main saw in my shop in Virginia. I'd like a Saw Stop (my Grandfather cut off a part of a finger with it) but I have not "used it out" yet.

That's awesome! More proof that they don't build stuff like they used to!

 

[MossRoad]

That's awesome! More proof that they don't build stuff like they used to!

Sometimes that's a good thing...

 

[Duds13]

Sometimes that's a good thing...

Damn sure is!

 

[ArlyA]

Father-in-law was being quite mean to the kids (one is my spouse) because he didn't have the car anymore. His doc agreed but did say that the state of MN does have a cognitive test for driving. So my spouse headed back up to get him in to do it. The test was in three parts which as you pass them, go to the next. His ability was so poor they stopped the test during the 2nd portion. When the test operator said this, he broke down and cried.

 

[Runner]

Father-in-law was being quite mean to the kids (one is my spouse) because he didn't have the car anymore. His doc agreed but did say that the state of MN does have a cognitive test for driving. So my spouse headed back up to get him in to do it. The test was in three parts which as you pass them, go to the next. His ability was so poor they stopped the test during the 2nd portion. When the test operator said this, he broke down and cried.

That is pretty much what I did with my Mother on her last attempt at renewing her driver license when she was 86. I suspected (and I think she really did too) that she really shouldn't be driving, but I didn't want to have to be the one to tell her.

She had suffered a stroke and couldn't really use her right side, so shouldn't have been driving for that reason alone. Nevertheless, I took her to the DOT office and she failed the eye exam which was pretty much the end of it. I was relieved I didn't have to be the "bad guy".

 

[dodge man]

My dad quit driving on his own but we were going to have to put a stop to it soon anyway. It’s tough to watch your parents go downhill. Enjoy the good moments.