2manyrocks
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I think the brain rewires itself to find a working connection.
Parents with dementia, how dealing with that has gone.
ning
Elite Member
eventually, yes - assuming
- it's being challenged to do so (sensory stimulus, cognitive requirements)
- there's nothing blocking it from doing so (plaques, dead tissue)
dodge man
Super Star Member
The difference between dementia and Alzheimer’s? My dad had dementia, when he got bad he more or less just babbled. He maybe just had brief moments of clarity. My name is David and one of the last times I said goodbye he said “goodbye Davey”, so he did know who I was.
My mom had Alzheimer’s, near the end she could talk very clearly, my sister asked how she was, she very clearly said “I’m fine”. My sister said “Dave’s here”, she said “hi David” all in a very clear voice. There was just no interaction from her otherwise, just sitting there with her eyes closed.
Both of them went through a period of time where they were difficult to deal with, combative and such. Eventually they go downhill enough that ends. Very sad diseases.
My mom had Alzheimer’s, near the end she could talk very clearly, my sister asked how she was, she very clearly said “I’m fine”. My sister said “Dave’s here”, she said “hi David” all in a very clear voice. There was just no interaction from her otherwise, just sitting there with her eyes closed.
Both of them went through a period of time where they were difficult to deal with, combative and such. Eventually they go downhill enough that ends. Very sad diseases.
WinterDeere
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Dementia is just a general term that describes the chronic confusion many older folks experience. It can have many causes, the most common of which is Alzheimer's disease.
If your father's symptoms were were very different than Alzheimer's, he likely had one of the several other diseases (Huntingdon's, Parkinson's, Creutzfeltd's, etc.), or one of several vascular problems that can lead to the same symptoms.
dodge man
Super Star Member
He had Lewy Body.
WinterDeere
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My mother is presently showing a lot of signs of dimentia, mostly just forgetting every conversation and frequently repeating herself. If a conversation goes on more than 5 - 10 minutes, you can pretty much count on her looping back to the first topic and then repeating most of the conversation.
Trouble is, she's also losing her hearing, and she's not good about wearing her hearing aids, and tries to pretend her hearing isn't so bad. This makes it very difficult to determine whether you're seeing a memory problem or denial of a hearing problem, when she acts surprised to be hearing something you've already told her more than once.
So far, it's not interfering with her ability to do things and get around on her own, but it is driving her husband to frustration. Thankfully, he has the patience of a saint.
Trouble is, she's also losing her hearing, and she's not good about wearing her hearing aids, and tries to pretend her hearing isn't so bad. This makes it very difficult to determine whether you're seeing a memory problem or denial of a hearing problem, when she acts surprised to be hearing something you've already told her more than once.
So far, it's not interfering with her ability to do things and get around on her own, but it is driving her husband to frustration. Thankfully, he has the patience of a saint.
OP
ArlyA
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We buried my mother in law today and the farther in law is descending and weakening who of course has dementia as well. Will write more about it when home.
check 6
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My wife was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s over three years ago, I cared for her until our doctor and our daughter said dad you can’t keep this up, she has been in a care facility for 16 plus month. She still knows me but little else . She can’t remember the kids most of the time. She will just sit and stare . She can take of herself with help but can no longer carry on a conversation she can still read but has no idea what she has read even immediately after she has read it her memory is basically gone but she still has her smile and that keeps me going it is a cruel disease as I’m losing a bit of my best friend every day and helpless to do anything other than hug her. I get wet eyed and very time I say goodbye. We have had 57 years together and I knew her for a total of 5 days when I proposed …. And she accepted
Sorry for the ramble
Sorry for the ramble
OP
ArlyA
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This thread is for anyone dealing with dementia, experiences, questions or otherwise. It's good to read about other peoples dealings with this terrible disease.
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It also gives pause for thought if a parent has dementia is this in my future?
Add to that family dynamics of care and I’ve seen some amazing situations to total abandonment to the State for care…
I think there isn’t a person that does not know someone affected.
Add to that family dynamics of care and I’ve seen some amazing situations to total abandonment to the State for care…
I think there isn’t a person that does not know someone affected.
2manyrocks
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Seems to be more common today than years before?
Complete Turf Care
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My mom had dementia. She passed in 2021 at age 89. I'm now 65 and I fear that I may get it too. Now and then, there are things that I just don't remember. I need to make plans for it now.
EddieWalker
Epic Contributor
Sorry for your loss. My Dad passed a year and a half ago from Dementia/Alzheimer's. I really don't know the difference. I just know that he had both.
I was visiting with my mom yesterday and she was telling me about the family in Canada with Dementia/Alzheimer's. Her sisters husband has been in the hospital for 10 years and doesn't know who anybody is. Her sister was put in the hospital last year with it and she only recognizes her daughter, who visits her every day. On my dad's side, his sister has been in a hospital for about three years, which is about the same time my dad's Dementia/Alzheimers started getting bad. She doesn't know who her kids are and is in a constant battle with everyone that she things is stealing from her.
We feel fortunate that my Dad declined quickly and never had to be put into a hospital, or a home. That was his biggest fear, and we wanted to make sure that didn't happen. From the time it became an issue, he was gone in about a year.
Mom said that she is very relieved that Dad didn't suffer like the rest of the family seems to be doing in Canada. I can't imagine what it's like for them, and passing sooner seems so much better then laying in a bed for years and not knowing who anybody is or what's happening.
I was visiting with my mom yesterday and she was telling me about the family in Canada with Dementia/Alzheimer's. Her sisters husband has been in the hospital for 10 years and doesn't know who anybody is. Her sister was put in the hospital last year with it and she only recognizes her daughter, who visits her every day. On my dad's side, his sister has been in a hospital for about three years, which is about the same time my dad's Dementia/Alzheimers started getting bad. She doesn't know who her kids are and is in a constant battle with everyone that she things is stealing from her.
We feel fortunate that my Dad declined quickly and never had to be put into a hospital, or a home. That was his biggest fear, and we wanted to make sure that didn't happen. From the time it became an issue, he was gone in about a year.
Mom said that she is very relieved that Dad didn't suffer like the rest of the family seems to be doing in Canada. I can't imagine what it's like for them, and passing sooner seems so much better then laying in a bed for years and not knowing who anybody is or what's happening.
dodge man
Super Star Member
Sorry to hear that Arly. It’s a terrible thing to say but I understand the saying “it was a blessing” after dealing with my parents Alzheimer’s and dementia.
Suburban Plowboy
Veteran Member
My dad started to go when he was about 83. He had to retire from practicing law the next year. He kept deteriorating. He died at 87.
My sister is a worthless sociopath, and my mother died a long time ago. That left me, and I was single and childless.
I had him for around a year and a half. On the one hand, there is a lot of fulfillment in caring for a person with dementia. On the other, you will have no life at all, and if the patient is someone who wasn't very nice before he lost his wits, you may not be treated very well. My dad was not as bad as my sister, but he was abusive and aggressive all his life, he could not take correction, and he could not appreciate other people's suffering very well.
He once told me to get him a bell so he could ring it when he needed me. He actually thought that was reasonable. This was not a person who would have used the bell sparingly.
Telling him the same things over and over was something I had to get used to. Unfortunately, I also had to have the same arguments over and over.
Hurricane season was trying. TV forecasters lie about hurricanes, exaggerating their strength and claiming areas that are safe are in real trouble. They do this to increase ratings. Over and over, I had to convince my dad things were fine. He kept forgetting.
Eventually, I had to put him some place. I could not take it any more. He was doing things like licking his fingers and rubbing spit on things to clean them. The kitchen counters were varnished with spit. I had to get a separate fridge to keep him from touching my food, and when he found it, I had to get another fridge and lock it.
He did things that were even more gross. It got to be too much. We lived in a place where I had to haul the garbage to the dump, and the garbage was not as nice as it used to be, to put it mildly.
He was very unpleasant sometimes. One day, he told me to go to hell three times in 5 minutes, and a couple of minutes later, he didn't believe me when I told him about it.
On the up side, he accepted Yeshua. All his life, he had been extremely arrogant, and he had hated God and made fun of Christians. I started playing Derek Prince videos during my visits to the ALF. Arguing with him all my life got me nowhere, but God used those videos to get him. I didn't even have to speak. He accepted salvation. He talked about how he loved prayer. He started saying prophetic things out of nowhere.
On the day he went, he could not talk, and he looked like wax. When I arrived, I could see through his fingers. He was cold. He looked afraid. I put on a Derek Prince video, and I started praying and talking to him. I told him I loved him. I told him I forgave him for everything. I told him it was up to him whether he wanted to go or stay. He warmed up, all his agitation left, and his color returned. Peace came over him. He started breathing more and more lightly, and when he passed, I couldn't tell for sure. I had to get someone who worked at the ALF to check.
I have some advice for other people. First, use a hospice. Second, when you have to move a person to an ALF, tour every ALF in your area, and do NOT let them make an appointment. Some places are snake pits. They will hide the problems if they know you're coming. Third, get a DNR if your loved one chooses it. Otherwise, they may be required to thump your loved one's chest, shove a tube down his throat, bring him back to life, and keep him on machines until his body gives out.
At the place where he ended up, they told me they would not give me an appointment for a tour, because they wanted people to see the place as it really was. I found out the lady who founded the place lived there. When I showed up without warning, the place looked great.
Don't assume the expensive places are best. I was about to put him in a place that charged over $7,000 per month. The one where he died cost $3,100. It was cleaner. It didn't smell. The staff was nice. They had special activities. The food was good. They gave me great advice. I found out they had the only ALF in the county that had a license to keep people who could not feed themselves.
Also, visit every day. You will regret it if you don't. Not everyone can do it, but most people who can, don't. I was always amazed to see how few visitors were there. Sometimes two people. Often, none.
Finally, don't put your loved one in a private room unless you have to. They benefit from having roommates.
He disinherited my sister twice in 15 years. He did it once, and then he did it again to make sure. She never tried to smooth things over, and when I told her he was dying, she didn't reply. I got everything, and the biggest blessing was not the money. It was never having to see my sister again. It has been almost 10 years since I even heard her voice, and that is not long enough.
My sister is a worthless sociopath, and my mother died a long time ago. That left me, and I was single and childless.
I had him for around a year and a half. On the one hand, there is a lot of fulfillment in caring for a person with dementia. On the other, you will have no life at all, and if the patient is someone who wasn't very nice before he lost his wits, you may not be treated very well. My dad was not as bad as my sister, but he was abusive and aggressive all his life, he could not take correction, and he could not appreciate other people's suffering very well.
He once told me to get him a bell so he could ring it when he needed me. He actually thought that was reasonable. This was not a person who would have used the bell sparingly.
Telling him the same things over and over was something I had to get used to. Unfortunately, I also had to have the same arguments over and over.
Hurricane season was trying. TV forecasters lie about hurricanes, exaggerating their strength and claiming areas that are safe are in real trouble. They do this to increase ratings. Over and over, I had to convince my dad things were fine. He kept forgetting.
Eventually, I had to put him some place. I could not take it any more. He was doing things like licking his fingers and rubbing spit on things to clean them. The kitchen counters were varnished with spit. I had to get a separate fridge to keep him from touching my food, and when he found it, I had to get another fridge and lock it.
He did things that were even more gross. It got to be too much. We lived in a place where I had to haul the garbage to the dump, and the garbage was not as nice as it used to be, to put it mildly.
He was very unpleasant sometimes. One day, he told me to go to hell three times in 5 minutes, and a couple of minutes later, he didn't believe me when I told him about it.
On the up side, he accepted Yeshua. All his life, he had been extremely arrogant, and he had hated God and made fun of Christians. I started playing Derek Prince videos during my visits to the ALF. Arguing with him all my life got me nowhere, but God used those videos to get him. I didn't even have to speak. He accepted salvation. He talked about how he loved prayer. He started saying prophetic things out of nowhere.
On the day he went, he could not talk, and he looked like wax. When I arrived, I could see through his fingers. He was cold. He looked afraid. I put on a Derek Prince video, and I started praying and talking to him. I told him I loved him. I told him I forgave him for everything. I told him it was up to him whether he wanted to go or stay. He warmed up, all his agitation left, and his color returned. Peace came over him. He started breathing more and more lightly, and when he passed, I couldn't tell for sure. I had to get someone who worked at the ALF to check.
I have some advice for other people. First, use a hospice. Second, when you have to move a person to an ALF, tour every ALF in your area, and do NOT let them make an appointment. Some places are snake pits. They will hide the problems if they know you're coming. Third, get a DNR if your loved one chooses it. Otherwise, they may be required to thump your loved one's chest, shove a tube down his throat, bring him back to life, and keep him on machines until his body gives out.
At the place where he ended up, they told me they would not give me an appointment for a tour, because they wanted people to see the place as it really was. I found out the lady who founded the place lived there. When I showed up without warning, the place looked great.
Don't assume the expensive places are best. I was about to put him in a place that charged over $7,000 per month. The one where he died cost $3,100. It was cleaner. It didn't smell. The staff was nice. They had special activities. The food was good. They gave me great advice. I found out they had the only ALF in the county that had a license to keep people who could not feed themselves.
Also, visit every day. You will regret it if you don't. Not everyone can do it, but most people who can, don't. I was always amazed to see how few visitors were there. Sometimes two people. Often, none.
Finally, don't put your loved one in a private room unless you have to. They benefit from having roommates.
He disinherited my sister twice in 15 years. He did it once, and then he did it again to make sure. She never tried to smooth things over, and when I told her he was dying, she didn't reply. I got everything, and the biggest blessing was not the money. It was never having to see my sister again. It has been almost 10 years since I even heard her voice, and that is not long enough.
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I’m thinking I got off easy not because there were not wild incidents but because mom was never mean and remained appreciative… she would be in deep prayer daily.
I asked if she wanted to stay in her home and she said yes if possible… so I moved back to my childhood bed and bedroom and changed my life the last 3 years… thankfully… mom’s friend was a godsend for when I was at work… mom really loved her and she mom.
The sad part is this was during the pandemic so zero family help but it is what it is…
I asked if she wanted to stay in her home and she said yes if possible… so I moved back to my childhood bed and bedroom and changed my life the last 3 years… thankfully… mom’s friend was a godsend for when I was at work… mom really loved her and she mom.
The sad part is this was during the pandemic so zero family help but it is what it is…
MossRoad
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Sorry to hear that. Peace to you and your family.
Suburban Plowboy
Veteran Member
It seems like we have reached a point where we keep people alive longer than they were designed to survive, but we can't make the brain last longer, so the body continues and the brain fails. We have decided aging and death are abnormal conditions that need to be treated, and we fail to realize that going on to be with God is better than wearing diapers, seeing all your friends die, consuming your children's inheritance, ruining their memories of you, and making their lives difficult.
I don't understand people who want to cling to this life and become walking science projects. The mature thing is to prepare for the next phase and welcome it when it finally comes. I don't want to be stuck on this trashy planet too long.
Jeff Bezos is pumping money into immortality research. Who wants to be Jeff Bezos for a thousand years? Not me. I don't want to be a little old bald guy in 2500 A.D.
There is no cure for dementia, so you just sit back and wait for people's bodies to give out after they have lost all their independence and their dignity. I remember asking my dad's doctor if there was any point in giving him drugs, and he said there wasn't. He said drugs might slow things down somewhat, but overall, it wasn't worth it.
One of the worst things about dementia is that it can change people's personalities and cause delusions. Some people get very abusive. My dad developed delusions and said nutty things. He told his dentist he had piloted his powerboat from Miami to Italy.
I don't understand people who want to cling to this life and become walking science projects. The mature thing is to prepare for the next phase and welcome it when it finally comes. I don't want to be stuck on this trashy planet too long.
Jeff Bezos is pumping money into immortality research. Who wants to be Jeff Bezos for a thousand years? Not me. I don't want to be a little old bald guy in 2500 A.D.
There is no cure for dementia, so you just sit back and wait for people's bodies to give out after they have lost all their independence and their dignity. I remember asking my dad's doctor if there was any point in giving him drugs, and he said there wasn't. He said drugs might slow things down somewhat, but overall, it wasn't worth it.
One of the worst things about dementia is that it can change people's personalities and cause delusions. Some people get very abusive. My dad developed delusions and said nutty things. He told his dentist he had piloted his powerboat from Miami to Italy.
